the dark days of pregnancy

I really try to keep thinking of the fluffy, cute little babies that are a byproduct of all this sickness I’m enduring. The first week and a half of sickness was really mild, much easier than with the previous two, where I’d wake up and have to run to the bathroom to throw up. After about 7.5 weeks though, it’s been rough. I have been able to keep some food down, which is an improvement again over the last two pregnancies, but I’ve been so nauseated, I can’t stand the smell of anything, especially anytime the stove or burners are lit. So dear hubby has been cooking for the boys out on the camping stove on the porch. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

I’ve been so drained of energy that it feels like I’m kind of a shadow of what I used to be. When I’m not throwing up, I feel like throwing up. The boys have been trying to help Mommy as much as they can. Magnus seems particularly sympathetic to how I feel, and tries to pat my back or otherwise play doctor. He’s only gotten the flu once, but I think he remembers how miserable it can be. Gunnar, on the other hand, is pretty oblivious to what’s going on—which is good. He just keeps playing and being his crazy self. I’m really thankful to have two healthy little boys. They’re kind of like my trophies for having struggled so hard through pregnancy to get them.

Oh, we did tell the boys that we’re going to have a new baby next summer. Magnus was pretty thrilled, and Gunnar just hovers over my tummy saying “Hi…baby…” I figured it would be easier for Mags to know that Mommy is sick for a good reason, and so far he’s not angry at the baby for making Mommy sick. It’s just “normal” in his mind that Mommy gets sick when she’s got a baby in her tummy. I wonder if he’s got some memory of my pregnancy sickness with Gunnar.

Baby is just about 9 weeks, so he/she already has had a heartbeat for awhile now and has a mouth, ears, eyes, nose, and is the size of a grape. We’ll get to hear its heartbeat in a couple weeks, so that will make it all seem more like a baby and less like a bad case of the flu.

Yesterday I had a really cruddy day. It started out okay, so I attempted to sort some of the boys’ toys (which have kind of blown up around the house since I got sick). But then at some point, I started vomiting and getting a pre-migraine aura (and I seldom get migraines) and numbness in my hand, so I called the hubs, and he came home to watch the boys for me. I’m grateful that his work is flexible enough to allow for this, especially since we don’t live near our families. Anyhow, I threw up at least ten times over the next few hours, and tried to sleep off the headache, which wasn’t successful. So I called in to get a zofran prescription so I could keep some ibuprofen down, and some fluids, because by that point, I was pretty dehydrated. My dear husband kept checking on me the whole evening. I can’t imagine life without him. (Although, I probably wouldn’t be in this situation right now without him either… ha!)

I definitely appreciate everyone’s prayers and understanding right now. It’s not easy, but I’ll make it through by God’s grace. And we’ll get another cute little peanut to snuggle.